There is no sports season that is quite as drawn out as the NFL season. We count down from Super Bowl Sunday to Draft Day, then to mini camp, then to OTAs and all the way up to the first time two teams suit up against each other in the Hall of Fame Game. This still brings us a month away from the first game that actually matters. Fantasy drafts are another milestone we cross that somewhat curb our craving for NFL games. But like the real football season, this too takes time to get to. So what do we do? Mock drafts. Mock drafts are usually a complete waste of time, as the results hardly ever reflect what they will look like in your own league. Even if they did, your first three picks will all tear their ACL by Week 4 and some undrafted rookie will become player of the year, before he too tears all of his knee ligaments. So why do we torture ourselves with dreams of winning a few bucks and bragging rights over friends? Because we've binge watched every show on Netflix and "The Night Of" only airs once a week. So here we are in the middle of a mock draft with 11 other strangers who are also bored beyond all measure, and I am here to guide you through this confusing and challenging time in your life. First of all, don't use ESPN. If you prefer the ESPN fantasy format to Yahoo, we can't be friends. For all of the horrific errors Yahoo executives made in running the company, they nailed fantasy sports. Good on you, Yahoo. Next, don't worry about draft position. "Dave" from Iowa City will take the spot you wanted and draft six tight ends. This will destroy your entire strategy, making the mock draft even more useless for you, if possible. OK, finally! It's draft time! You finally get to show your fantasy prowess with your first pick. Or so you think, because everyone will draft the projected player in their draft slot. It's easy because no one will doubt your decision and you'll stick to the unspoken agreement not to intentionally sabotage the draft. The Eagles defense could be the 10th ranked player in the draft and you'd take them. Partially because you don't really care (again, mock draft) and partially because you don't want to look like an idiot to those 11 14-year-olds through a computer screen by going off the beaten path. The next seven picks depend on your own personal fantasy philosophy. I'm of the consistently wrong belief that people who talk about fantasy football for a living are actually good at it, and thus I am another oblivious sheep under their reign. Wide receivers are all the rage this year and everyone who's anyone (has Twitter) is taking players like Antonio Brown and Odell Beckham Jr. at the top of the draft. This new theory goes against the traditional belief that running backs are the backbone to any good team. Both theories are legitimate in that the league is shifting to pass first, run second, but WR's are replaceable and their value changes dramatically week by week, allowing for any given player to go off. Running backs have a little more certainty in that there's typically only one on the field at a time, giving the team only one option on run plays. I like a mix of both, but still abide by the running back rule with my first pick, then two wide receivers and a quarterback in the next three picks, unless there's an obvious player that can't be missed. This strategy landed me with Todd Gurley, Mike Evans, Cam Newton and Golden Tate in that order. I then took back-to-back WR's before finally going back to running back. Two notes about mock drafts as well as real drafts: You will make a mistake and draft a player you've queued too early and you must draft Jason Witten. Both of these happened at the same time for me, which explains my 8th round pick. Sometimes I forget about Jason Witten, but every time I see him on fantasy draft boards I remember all those 8 yard patterns he's caught over the years. He's also the most consistent player on the planet and when Tony Romo is beaten to death by his own severed arm, whatever back up QB the Cowboys throw out there will use him as a security blanket. Finally, we've arrived at round nine, and again this one depends on your theory. Remember that this is a mock draft and really doesn't matter, so you can either play it all the way out and be the only person left in the draft room by round 15, or you can go on autodraft for the last few picks after realizing you wasted an hour picking a team you won't actually play with. Congratulations! You finished your mock draft and your team is incredibly average. You will be ranked 7th in the standings regardless of any of your picks, meaning that you did just enough to make the playoffs in a fake league. We all know that the mock draft is simply a tool used to waste time at the office or in the classroom, so you might as well have a little fun with it. I recommend drafting kickers in every round and watching as your fellow pool members lose all sanity in the comments section. |